Cricket Coup 2k11

I have recently had the honor of becoming a first-time parent. I know, I know - I'm young - but I have significant nannying experience and have watched countless hours of Toddlers & Tiaras. My scaly little guy remains nameless (I don't know who the father is), but for now we'll call him VeryHungryBabyBeardedDragon (VHBBD). As much as I wish I could share my fettuccine alfredo with the little guy, for the first six months of his life he eats crickets. Terrifying, too-many-legs-and-or-antennas, jump three feet in the air crickets. I'm nothing if not a sacrificer, so I braved the insect world and was housing 1,000 of these monsters in my laundry room (perhaps if they had learned to separate my whites from my colors, this story would've ended differently).
The crickets started off small - 3/8 of an inch according to the completely normal cricket seller at the Reptile Convention, but after one night, JUST ONE MEASLY NIGHT, of eating cricket food, they turned into these:

Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration, but they were getting too big for my sweet little VHBBD to chomp on. I was faced with the biggest dilemma since having to decide whether to watch Bad Girls Club or Jersey Shore the night before - how do I dispose of these seemingly steroid-ridden creatures?
I don't know much about cricket ears, but apparently they are large and work very efficiently. As soon as I began plotting the cricket massacre, a funny little thing happened. I was playing cards with several of my friends at the kitchen table, when someone pointed out a cricket hopping across the ground. I brushed it off as "the one that got away"; little did I know there was a miniature mutiny going on in my laundry room. The next morning was like any other morning. I woke up my VHBBD with the typical "Riseeeee and shineeee and give God your gloryyy gloryyy" and turned on his heat lamp. Assuming that the escapee cricket's little cricket friends saw his cunning stunt, I was excited to teach them all a lesson by feeding 15 or so of them to the VHBBD. I opened up the laundry room and found what can only be described as real-life nightmare: crickets lined up, like a little cricket army, on TOP of their cage. Ladies and gentlemen, these sneaky little suckers had grown big enough to jump to the ceiling of their container and escape through the slits.
That sounds pretty terrible, right? It gets worse. These weren't just silly little insects hopping about - this was a cricket militia:

Needless to say, I needed to act smart and fast... so I screamed like a little girl and slammed the door shut. Scenes from Braveheart and 300 flashed through my head and I prepared for battle. After putting on my armor (rubber kitchen gloves sealed with rubber bands and a garbage bag over my clothes), I ran into the laundry room, picked up the cricket community (I should copyright that), dropped it into the garage. I placed a piece of cardboard on top (that's right - two steps ahead of you, cricketmen) and returned inside. After a hot bath, which was as close to the therapy I needed after my experience as I could get, I decided I would venture back into cricket land so that VHBBD could have supper.

I don't know if this is a horror story or more of an action tale; whether the crickets tragic flaw brought them down or it was the heroine's supreme courage.... but I do know that there is now a cricket graveyard in my too-cold-for-insects-to-survive-in garage:

Jordan- 956, Crickets - 0.